head to head

The Woman card

May 4, 2016 - On Thursday, Republican frontrunner Donald Trump called out his presumptive general election opponent Hillary Clinton and chastised her for using what he called “the Woman card” in order to gain political support. Almost immediately, the media went to work coming up with the best way to create puns and clickbait articles revolving around Woman cards, Trump cards, and variations on that theme. Here’s one more.

For the first time in history, Hillary Clinton, potentially the first woman to be nominated by a major party for president, will square off against Victoria Woodhull, the first woman ever to run for president (in 1872) in the United States. The prize: The Official Woman Card of the United States of America.

Glass ceiling busting experience

Clinton: ​1st woman to be elected to the Senate from New York. Likely to be the 1st woman to be nominated by a major party for the presidency. 42nd 1st lady of the United States. 1st former 1st lady to ever be subpoenaed by the FBI.

Woodhull: ​1st woman (along with her sister) to become a stockbroker. 1st woman to open a brokerage firm. 1st woman to testify before Congress (regarding female suffrage). 1st woman to run for president. 

Advantage: ​Clinton definitely has a better shot at the top job but, due to inflation, Woodhull takes this category thanks to being the 1st to do so many things.

Vice President

Clinton: Reports have indicated that Clinton's short list for VP include Elizabeth Warren, Tom Perez, Julian Castro, and Tim Kaine.

Woodhull: ​Frederick Douglass

Advantage: ​Woodhull. I mean come on…its Frederick frickin’ Douglass!

Tabloid Gossip

Clinton: According to the "fair and balanced" Wikipedia page for Hillary Clinton, she has been implicated (or is downright guilty as sin) for the following high crimes and misdemeanors: She participated in the murder of her close friend Vernon Jordan (although some say she was having an affair with him and it was actually Bill who killed Jordan in a jealous rage); she threatened numerous women into remaining silent after her husband sexually harassed them; and she’s actually a lesbian who only married Bill to further her political ambitions.

Woodhull: Not to be outdone by Clinton, Woodhull had her own skeletons in the closet. Some said she worked for a time as a prostitute; others claimed she had taken Satan as a lover. And perhaps most scandalous of them all was the rumor that she was actually a lesbian who only married Canning Woodhull (and later Colonel James Blood) to further her political ambitions.
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Advantage: Cynicism

Who is the Better Feminist?

Clinton: From paid family leave to equal pay to universal pre-K, Clinton has put a number of issues front and center in her campaign that are targeted to help women. 

Woodhull: Woodhull was a proponent of the “free love” movement. Not to be confused with the sexual revolution of the 1960s, “free love” in 1872 meant the freedom for women to secure a legal divorce without being ostracized by polite society. This idea proved so controversial that prominent moral leaders like Reverend Henry Ward Beecher spoke out against her immorality. In response, she published accounts of how the good Reverend was having an affair with one of his parishioners. Reverend Beecher responded to that by calling the police and having Woodhull arrested for publishing obscenities. She was acquitted of the charge, but spent Election Day (in which she was a nominee for president) in jail.

Advantage: Woodhull (bonus points for getting arrested)

Biggest Scandal That Would Hurt Them in an Election Held Today

Clinton: While the above-mentioned Wikipedia gossip will flood countless Facebook newsfeeds and internet comments sections, the main thrust of the Republican attack against Clinton will surround her time as Secretary of State. Whether it’s blaming Clinton for the deaths of 4 Americans in Benghazi during a terrorist attack, or for setting up a private email server against the State Department’s regulations, the eventual GOP nominee will attack her for being some combination of secretive and corrupt.

Woodhull: While it arguably wasn’t as controversial in 1872 as it would be today, Woodhull agreed with many early feminists about the benefits and wisdom of eugenics. She is even claimed to have agreed with some cases involving the forced sterilization of the mentally and physically challenged. There’s also the matter of how Woodhull claimed to be a medium and spent her early years creating a successful business as a magnetic healer.

Advantage: ​Clinton. In the 21st century, coming out in favor of forcible sterilization of “undesirable people” is commonly referred to as a gaffe. 

Which Election Was More Exciting. the Election of 1872, or the Election of 2016

​Clinton: In 2016, the general election is looking more and more like it will pit Clinton against Donald Trump. It will surely become the most exciting, unique, and potentially grotesque election of all time.

​Woodhull: In 1872, a wealthy New Yorker named Horace Greeley gained the nomination of his party thanks to a fractured field that he was able to outwit at a brokered convention. He touted himself as an outsider and opponent of the Washington, DC establishment. While he enjoyed support from disaffected white voters who believed the country was going down the tubes, this proved to be a double-edged sword as he was unable to separate himself from the Ku Klux Klan and charges that he switched his positions whenever it seemed to suit him politically. Greeley’s political inexperience and long history of saying controversial things to reporters led to this unofficial motto for his campaign: “Why turn out a knave and replace him with a fool?” In the end, President Ulysses S. Grant, though mired in corruption scandals and allegations that he was beholden to special interests, won the election in a landslide. A humiliated Greeley returned to his home near New York City, and promptly died 3 weeks later.

Advantage: 1872. An election so hotly contested it resulted in casualties! That’s going to be tough to beat.

 
Head to Head winner: Victoria Woodhull

Congratulations the Victoria Woodhull. Winning by split decision, Woodhull is the holder of the official Woman Card of the USA.

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